How much time should pass before you have sex with someone? Here are some things to consider whether you’re looking for a committed relationship or just a casual affair.
On a dating app, you find a guy (or girl) you really like, and after your date, you two wind up living very close to your house. After a series of events, one of you starts having sex. It went well, but you were worried that you might have botched it up because you had intended to go slowly.
Here are some things you should know about first date hook-ups if you’ve been told by the innumerable TV series, movies, magazine articles, and self-help books that having sex on a first date is not only embarrassing but also harmful to oneself, and that giving in to the temptation means losing out on love.
Sex on the first date: The Statistics
It may seem hurried to some to get physical on a first date, yet it feels perfectly acceptable to others. More than 2,000 adults were polled in 2023 by the sexual health company Lovehoney to determine the percentage of those who had sex on their first date. They found that 61 percent of women are not open to having sex on the first date, compared to nearly 70 percent of men.
Almost 50% of those surveyed reported having sex on their first date. Just under 60% of male respondents acknowledged hooking up on a first date, indicating that men are especially likely to do so. However, only 43% of women report having sex on date number 1, suggesting that they are a little less likely to leap into bed right immediately.
Engaging in sex too early linked to expectations
Given that a first date is the first formal encounter between you and a possible new spouse, first impressions are crucial. But is it really that horrible to have sex on your first date? According to some, having sex is a valuable bargaining tool, so if you give it away too soon, your date won’t just think of you as ‘easy’, but might have no reason to come back.
We questioned Center for Mental Health founder and principal clinical psychologist Nupur Dhakephalkar about this. “It is frequently noted that the timing of sexual intimacy can have a significant impact on relationship dynamics,” she told The Ultimate News. Early sexual activity can lead to misplaced expectations and make one partner doubt the strength of the emotional bond.
According to Nupur, honesty is important. It’s critical to understand that sexual closeness can be interpreted as a sign of commitment and that it may reduce desire in pursuing a long-term relationship if it is seen as readily available. Building a solid emotional connection requires open discussion about goals and wants, she adds.
A relationship requires more than physical attraction
The idea that there are advantages to gradually getting to know someone through talk and revealing secrets if you want a relationship that goes beyond sex is also partially true. Is it better to go slowly if you want a relationship that goes beyond sex? According to Nupur, establishing a lasting connection calls for more than just physical appeal.
According to her, “The foundation of a lasting connection is shared values, trust, and emotional intimacy, all of which are fostered by taking the time to get to know someone through conversation.” We get a deeper understanding of one another when we take the time to have meaningful conversations, which opens the door to a more satisfying and genuine partnership.
Did you make a mistake by having sex on a first date?
What can you do after having sex on your first date? “Having sex on a first date doesn’t necessarily define the future of a relationship,” Nupur stated in response to the question of whether it’s impossible to go back and start over if you still desire a relationship with that person.
“Although it may raise issues, what really counts is how both people interact and communicate going forward. If the partners share a desire for a deeper relationship, it’s important to have open, honest conversations about intentions, values, and feelings moving forward. Relationships can thrive if there’s mutual respect and a genuine effort to build emotional intimacy, regardless of how things started,” she says.
This leads us to the question: have you really failed in pursuing your desires? According to Nupur, the straightforward response is no. Now the not-so-simple explanation – according to her, following your desires does not mean you’ve failed as ‘it’s important to separate feelings of shame from natural human experiences like lust’.
Healthy way to look at sex on a first date
“Sexuality should not be viewed through a lens of guilt or regret because it is an essential aspect of who we are,” she argues. Understanding sex on a first date in light of your own ideals and emotional preparedness is a good way to view it. It’s a part of your journey and not anything to feel guilty about if you make the decision with respect, clarity, and permission. Recognizing that every experience may teach us more about who we are and what we really want in relationships is crucial, as is practicing self-compassion.