Many couples fantasise about spending an evening of intense romance while cuddled up on the sofa watching their favorite movie, cooking a meal together, or slipping in playful cuddles along the way. However, for couples living in joint family arrangements, these dreams frequently stay just that—dreams.
Because of the lack of solitude, frequent interruptions, and some hidden expectations, couples who live with families find it challenging to treasure romantic times. Sometimes you are so consumed with family life, kids, and all of its responsibilities that you don’t even have the time to think about such things. Does that sound like your life?
However, does this imply that living with relatives is not a good idea? No! Does it also imply that your family responsibilities caused you to put romance on hold? Not at all!
According to marriage therapists, Indian couples who live with their families frequently struggle to maintain their romance and find privacy since it restricts their closeness and makes it difficult for them to spend quality time together. Emotional closeness may also be neglected, in addition to physical intimacy.
Couples frequently settle into routines where romanticism is neglected. This occurs as a result of their attention shifting to caregiving, domestic duties, and handling intricate family relationships, Dr. Nisha Khanna, a marriage counsellor in Delhi, told The Ultimate News.
For these issues, a lot of customers seek counselling. Lack of personal time, one partner putting the couple’s relationship last, an excessive amount of home chores, and the strains of living with in-laws are all common problems. The relationship may become much more strained if children are involved, she continues.
This dynamic may have a detrimental effect on your marriage. Couples may feel overburdened by these difficulties, which can cause annoyance and animosity. Of course, there is a way out! All you need is a little imagination and an intention.
Firstly, be intentional
In order to generate the mental space and come up with innovative ideas, you and your spouse must be determined to maintain the romance. You must sit down, discuss it, and lay out your expectations.
“It takes ingenuity and deliberate work to maintain the romance when living with family. Shahzeen Shivdasani, a relationship guru and author from Mumbai, advises couples to prioritise alone time and establish boundaries with family members to prevent closeness from slipping.
Maintaining physical connection should be a conscious effort.
Dr. Khanna goes on to say, “It requires both partners to work intentionally and proactively as a team.”
Set boundaries with family members
Maintaining romance after marriage requires establishing boundaries with family members. Making positive adjustments is something you can do at any time. Due to home duties, your parents or in-laws may not have made time for these kinds of times with their spouses a priority, but you don’t have to follow their example.
As a couple, you may live in the same home and respect your family while still having your own personal space.
Shahzeen advises setting apart a certain area of the house for the two of you or designating a time after everyone has gone to bed as your private time.
Explain politely to your family why you need to spend quality time with your partner. Present this as a non-negotiable and work consistently. To maintain balance, ensure to encourage family activities on separate occasions.
Carve out ‘us’ time – staycations, walks, date nights
If you want to keep the romance going, you might steal those playful, flirtatious moments outside of your bedroom or during strange times of the day, but there are a lot more things you can do to keep the flame burning.
A marriage counsellor with more than 15 years of expertise, Dr. Khanna, suggests planning frequent date evenings or excursions. This may be going to a movie, having lunch or supper together, taking a long drive, or just spending time together in solitude. These little actions establish deep connections by fostering meaningful experiences.
If you want to keep the romance going, you might steal those playful, flirtatious moments outside of your bedroom or during strange times of the day, but there are a lot more things you can do to keep the flame burning.
A marriage counselor with more than 15 years of expertise, Dr. Khanna, suggests planning frequent date evenings or excursions. This may be going to a movie, having lunch or supper together, taking a long drive, or just spending time together in solitude. These little actions establish deep connections by fostering meaningful experiences.
Find inventive ways to inject excitement into your family’s home to break up the monotony of being cooped up in the bedroom. To enjoy intimate times in a different environment, couples could organize out-of-home activities like walks, quick drives, or outdoor picnics. A change of scenery could be achieved by setting up a nice spot in the living room or on the balcony for private talks or movie evenings, advises marriage counselor Shivani Sadhoo of Delhi.
At a minimum, set aside an hour for each other, free from outside interruptions.
When one partner believes the other is too concerned with their family, it can cause problems for the couple. To solve this, I recommend spending at least an hour every day solely with one another, without talking about family issues,” Dr. Khanna advises.
You may spend some time on the terrace, go for a long stroll or play badminton in the evening, or have tea in the morning.
Little gestures matter
Don’t be afraid to hold your partner’s hand or give them a hug in front of the family; give them a kiss when they least expect it. Make plans for those small surprises. Leave kind notes. These small actions count and can maintain your relationship.
Playing board games or figuring out puzzles might also be beneficial. To stay in touch even while you’re at home, you can also send amusing SMS, emoticons, or memes.
It could also be beneficial to plan time while other family members are out or involved. According to Shivani Sadhoo, “small surprises like a home-cooked meal, surprise gifts, or planned activities can bring novelty and joy to their relationship.”
Living with family may need a little more effort to foster intimacy, which is an essential component of any relationship. However, if you are innovative, collaborative, enthusiastic, and proactive, your relationship will continue to be robust and dynamic.