‘Friendship marriages’—marriages in which two people decide to live together and wed platonic friends instead of romantic partners—are becoming more mainstream in Japan. Would this idea become well-liked in India as well?
“Pyaar dosti hai” means “friendship is love.” In “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai,” Shah Rukh Khan’s character Rahul famously stated that friendship is the cornerstone of a love relationship. Japan, on the other hand, has gone one step farther and converted friendships into marriages without the need for love.
In a nation that is already dealing with a steady demographic loss, friendship weddings are becoming more and more common.
As the population ages and fertility rates continue to be low, Japan’s total population fell by over half a million in 2023, marking the 15th consecutive year that this has happened. Additionally, the marriage rate is still low. For the first time since the 1930s, fewer than 5,000 marriages were consummated in 2023.
In the midst of this, friendship marriages—an arrangement devoid of romance or sex—have emerged. It’s similar like marrying your roommate. Although they are legally married, the couple is free to pursue other relationships and decide not to have children. In the event that they choose to become parents, procedures such as IVF and artificial insemination may be used.
What is a friendship marriage?
“Friendship marriages emphasize sharing life with a person who shares similar beliefs and interests, rather than marrying your closest friend or being motivated by romantic love. According to Dr. Nisha Khanna, a psychologist and marital counselor in Delhi, “the goal is companionship, where two people can enjoy spending time together, share responsibilities like household chores and finances, and support each other’s growth, both personally and professionally.”
Before starting this unusual marital path, these couples talk extensively about living arrangements, money, housework, and even the distribution of refrigerator space, according to Colorus, an organization that specializes in friendship marriages. Nearly 500 weddings have been brokered since 2015, according to the service, and some of these couples have gone on to raise children.
The typical participant in a “friendship marriage” is 32.5 years old, financially stable, and well-educated.
Why are people marrying their friends in Japan?
Asexuals and gays are often drawn to friendship marriages. Although it is now illegal in Japan, same-sex marriages can nonetheless be advantageous for asexual people who yearn for company.
Furthermore, married couples in Japan are eligible for both tax and health insurance benefits. In Japan, married couples can take advantage of the spousal tax deduction, which lowers the higher-earning spouse’s taxable income if the lower-earning spouse’s income falls below a certain threshold.
Couples can also cope with social pressure by adopting the idea of friendship marriage.
Are friendship marriages a good idea?
According to a number of surveys, the high expense of living in large cities and the rigorous work culture make many young Japanese people hesitant to get married or start families. Friendship marriages can prevent loneliness and isolation while providing company and financial support. Just so you know, in the first half of 2024, 37,227 Japanese citizens who were living alone passed away in their houses.
Relationship experts concur that friendship is a good starting point for marriage, but they also point out that the lack of love and physical closeness could later cause issues.
There are a number of advantages to marrying a friend. A more solid, harmonious, and long-lasting relationship can be built on an already-existing emotional basis, shared ideals, and a greater comprehension of one another’s personalities (and acceptance of them). It can strengthen the relationship even more with open communication, mutual respect, and trust, according to relationship specialist Ruchi Ruuh of Delhi.
However, if one person begins to crave something outside of this link, it could cause issues because the romantic and sexual element is largely absent. It might cause complications or even stress, even when there is acceptance and open communication. Before starting a committed, long-term relationship, both partners need to discuss and agree on a number of things, she continues.
Meanwhile, Dr. Nisha Khanna says that when one person wants a sexual relationship and the other does not, it can lead to emotional and mental complications. Further issues may result from this mismatch, such as the partner looking for fulfillment outside of marriage, which increases the risk of STIs.
“It is unclear what the future holds for these kinds of partnerships, particularly when children are involved. Children’s identity and comprehension of their family structure may be hampered by complex family dynamics, Khanna continues.
However, there are also many advantages, including as shared duties, income, and emotional support—all without sacrificing individual wants or freedom.
Can they be a hit in India?
According to experts, the institution of traditional marriage is likely to persist in India due to its strong family values, but the trend of friendship marriages may yet gain pace and become a viable option for many.
Many people in India are no longer interested in having children. Such individuals can benefit from the friendship marriage concept, according to Dr. Khanna.
Even though we didn’t have a term for this type of arrangement, it already existed in India, particularly among LGBTQ people who get married to comply with social pressures and parental wishes. Friendship marriages can provide emotional support and companionship to people who are asexual or don’t want to publicly express their sexual orientation, according to Dr. Khanna.
Nonetheless, compatibility with regard to both physical and emotional demands is crucial.
When both couples value companionship and emotional connection, friendship marriages might be a good substitute for traditional partnerships. However, if one couple has more physical needs, they may be more difficult,” Dr. Khanna continues.
Experts think a friendship marriage might be a “beautiful thing” if this issue is resolved.
Marriages founded on friendship can offer significant emotional support. Members of the LGBTQ+ community and others who feel like social outsiders should pay special attention to this. Mutual emotional support between couples can fundamentally benefit their development on both a personal and professional level, according to Dr. Khanna.
In India, friendship weddings may become more common as a result of the growing emphasis on mental health.
India may see a slow transition to alternative marriage models as mental health awareness rises and more people comprehend and look for different methods to be married. People are already gradually becoming more at ease in their relationships and eschewing the conventional rules. The thought of a friendship marriage is not unrealistic, and many individuals are currently getting married to their friends because of emotional stability,” says Ruchi Ruuh.
Many Indian couples get married with the goal of starting a family. These platonic unions, however, can be a wonderful choice for people who would rather not become parents.
This situation is a good example of the adage “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” This is one of the reasons some people would rather start a relationship with a person they already know and like than a complete stranger. The personalities and dynamics of the two people involved will determine whether or not this decision is beneficial, according to Dr. Khanna.