When we grow up in dysfunctional homes, we try to apply the trauma and behavior patterns to our adult relationships as well. This is often referred to as parentification. This goes beyond the habit of being both our parent and the parent to our emotionally immature caregivers in the past. When we start a romantic relationship as adults, we try to replicate the patterns with our partner. As a result, we begin parenting the partner and reflecting on their mistakes. “If you’ve ever wondered why you’re still in your relationship despite having doubts, struggling to enjoy spending time with your partner, and not feeling truly wanted and loved, now is the time to figure out why. Because once you understand why you’re staying, you can begin to take steps to liberate yourself. Until then, everything is too intangible to take effective action to improve your situation,” wrote Marlena Tillhon, a relationship coach.
Remind Them: We constantly remind them of everything they need to do. This encourages them to rely on us and avoid their own responsibilities.
Financial Support: We constantly pay their bills, pay their share, and manage their finances. We believe they are not financially mature enough to handle the situation.
Tolerate Them: We never hold them accountable for their actions and end up doing our fair share of the relationship in addition to theirs.
Walk on Eggshells: We think of them as the child in the relationship and try to keep their mood stable at all times. Often, we walk on eggshells around them to ensure that we do not end up triggering them.
Refrain from Sharing Our Needs: We believe that our needs and wants will overwhelm them, so we avoid sharing our emotions with them.