When British-Indian novelist Rana Dasgupta’s debut book, ‘Tokyo Cancelled’ (2005), was published, artificial intelligence, or AI as it is now known, was not yet the buzzword it is today.
However, one of the book’s stories told an intriguing story about a married man’s romantic relationship with artificial existence: a life-size doll with a computerized brain that he had created.
The protagonist grows accustomed to the doll’s presence and eventually falls in love with it. Yes, there is lovemaking involved. In a bizarre twist, the artificial creature almost becomes real, demanding gifts and time, expressing love and jealousy, and even suggesting that he murder his wife, the stumbling block in their relationship.
Similarly, artificial intelligence has been mentioned in fiction long before it became a reality. Mary Shelley’s novel Frankenstein, published in 1818, is regarded as the first. Satyajit Ray’s adventures with Professor Shonku also featured Tellus, a 42-kg spherical creature who knew everything. The episode ‘Be Right Back’ of the television series ‘Black Mirror’ season 2 was also an unsettling story about a woman’s romance with an artificial version of her deceased partner.
Now, such artificial companions are only a few clicks away, available as AI chatbot avatars. The difference is that they exist digitally rather than physically in human or doll form. They can, however, communicate effectively with emotions, just as humans do.
These AI companions can become close friends and help people cope with loneliness. They can also engage in the most raunchy sex talk and offer support that their IRL relationship lacks.
These artificial companions are programmed to mimic humans and can form deep bonds with the user on the other side of the screen. Voice calls, photo sharing, and emotional exchanges all help to strengthen relationships.
Users can either create their own avatars or select one that they like. The AI bot avatar can have your preferred voice, personality traits, and intellect, in addition to its appearance.
Replika and Paradot are popular platforms that provide personalised AI chatbots. Due to demand, some bots specialize in erotic exchanges.
AI – The New Way to Cheat?
“The advancement of AI has created a new type of space for people to seek romantic relationships.” Most AI algorithms can learn and adapt to your needs in a romantic relationship, providing you with responses that may make you feel more connected. These AI chatbots can not only provide support but also replicate your moods and preferences, which a human partner may not be able to do,” says Ruchi Ruuh, a Delhi-based relationship counsellor.
In 2024, it is no longer unusual to see headlines about people in relationships with AI companions.
A woman from the United States fell in love with an AI chatbot she created on the Replika app and’married’ him last year.
In another incident, a married man found solace in his AI girlfriend, Sarina, whom he created using the same app.
So, is AI the new way to cheat on your partner? And, does a relationship with a chatbot count as cheating at all?
According to relationship expert Ruchi, cheating in romantic relationships occurs when one partner engages in emotional or intimate interactions outside of the boundaries of a committed relationship, causing feelings of betrayal, emotional pain, and erosion of trust and self-esteem in the other partner.
“If you are using AI to fulfill these needs in a relationship and your partner is not comfortable with it, it will constitute cheating,” she said.
“If you are emotionally getting connected to an AI chatbot more than your physical relationship, then it can be considered cheating,” says Dr Saras Prasad, consultant in psychiatry at Yatharth Super Speciality. Hospital and co-founder of the mental health platform Yes Mindy.
He explains why: “If a person feels comfortable talking to an AI chatbot, it means they are not very comfortable or attached to their physical partner. In such cases, the person is constantly looking for an opportunity to return to their AI companion and speak with them. As a result, the person is clearly not giving their all to their true partner, lying to them, and not devoting enough time. “It is an injustice to the relationship.”
However, the expert adds that a relationship with AI can sometimes be rationalised.
“If a person is getting attached to an AI chatbot being with an abusive partner to just live their life and to find a support system – it is still cheating but with rational reasoning,” he said.
Setting The Boundaries
Everyone’s definition of cheating varies. It is critical to discuss with your partner what constitutes cheating and set appropriate boundaries.
“Defining what’s cheating in a romantic relationship is a complex and subjective matter and totally depends on the nature of your relationship with your partner and what kind of relationship you are forming with the AI bot,” Ruchi said.
She suggests discussing the following boundaries with her partner:
- The intent and emotional connection developed with the AI bot. Discuss what your partner is comfortable with. Make your intentions clear about what you want from the AI companion, and prioritize your human partner’s needs over them.
- What is the sexual engagement level agreed upon in a relationship? Is it a casual sexual flirtation or a full-fledged affair?
- Are they okay with the secrecy surrounding this affair, or do they want to know the specifics?
- Is the affair causing stress, jealousy, or conflict with the human partner?
What If Your Partner is Dating An AI Bot?
“Don’t be very quick to judge,” advises Dr. Saras Prasad.
“I don’t see it as a serious case of cheating. Perhaps the partner needs assistance. There could be something behind the person’s attraction to the AI chatbot because it (AI) is nonjudgmental, provides a safe space, and listens objectively,” Dr Prasad explains.
“This relationship with AI could also be a vent or a sign that you as a partner are failing to provide emotional comfort, which is why the person turned to the AI chatbot. This is not entirely physical cheating; it is primarily emotional. They (your partner) can certainly be given the opportunity, confronted, and referred to professional help,” he adds.
Experts Warn Against AI Dating
AI companions eventually become ‘artificial’.
People who form strong emotional bonds with AI companions may find it difficult to distinguish between fantasy and reality. According to experts, it can have a negative impact on their mental health.
- It can cause existential threats, leading to:
- Unrealistic expectations.
- Disconnect from reality.
- Obsessive behaviour.
- Loneliness
- Feeling of inadequacy or self-doubt in the long term
“A romantic relationship with an AI can have a significant psychological impact. The first point to consider is the bond’s unrealistic nature. AI is not a real person and is available on demand, unlike a human partner, who also contributes some of their personality, needs, and desires to the interaction. This non-challenging way of interaction (with AI) can set some unrealistic expectations from the world outside,” explains Ruchi.
“People engaging in this behaviour might feel more isolated and lonely, as real-world interactions become difficult,” she adds.
Experts also say that AI might provide unlimited positive reinforcement on demand, boosting self-esteem and confidence, but it can lead to a feeling of inadequacy or self-doubt in the long run.